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 Condemning feminine qualities is the root cause of all wars in the world. It provokes aggressiveness in men. Our history books are full of appreciation of the ‘heroic’ deeds of Alexander, Napoleon and others. We want our sons to be brave heroes like them. German philosopher Nietzsche condemned Gautama Buddha because of his feminine grace and beauty. His idea of a real man was to be strong and to be made of steel. Buddha was the most compassionate and cultured of men, the most graceful man this world has ever known. But his compassion, grace and beauty are essentially feminine qualities, worshipped in the East. Nietzsche condemned Buddha’s teachings too. He said that he could not appreciate his teachings as they harmed humanity. He warned that if people believed in Buddha’s teachings, the world would turn feminine. Nietzsche appreciated the warrior always ready to kill or get killed. The rhythm of an army marching into war was music to his ears. It is this philosophy that gave birth to Hitler. Nietzsche was a genius but if we follow his philosophy was a genius but if we follow his philosophy, we will have more world wars and so peace. If we want peace in the world, we will have to nurture feminine qualities to bring about balance.

 Osho says: ‘It is true that all great qualities are feminine love compassion, sympathy, kindness. All these qualities have a flavor of the feminine. We have been giving too much emphasis to the head and ignoring the heart. We are living utterly miserable lives because we’ve got stuck in our heads and bypassed our heart. The head has dried our poetry of emotions, the sentiments, the smiles, the tears, the laughter & mad life boring. Friendship has disappeared from the world because our head calculates too much. This is the head that has created such monstrous concrete that has created such monstrous concrete jungles that man has no time to look at the sky and dance with the clouds and rejoice in the rains. The heart wants to sing, but the head thinks about society and worries about what others will say. The head has made us much too serious in the name of sanity. We need some amount of ‘feminine’ insanity of love and emotions to bring some balance to our miserable lives. This feminine madness is far better than Nietzsche’s male madness.”

 Give women a chance, and non-violence will effortlessly be the religion of the new millennium. The new millennium should have a totally new vision and ethic of life, in which women make a significant contribution of their feminine qualities to men, and use their feminine power for peace. Let the head and heart unite in meditation and create a new being in the world. Says Osho in A Sudden Clash of Thunder: “God is more a mother than a father. God is more a womb than anything else. Out of God we are born, & back into God we dissolve. He is our birth and death. He is compassion and He is love. All His qualities are feminine.”  

The four main symptoms of Parkinson’s disease are

·        Tremor, or trembling in hands, arms, legs, jaw, and face

·        Stiffness of the limbs and trunk

·        Slowness of movement

·        Postural instability or impaired balance and coordination it usually affects people over the age of 50.

Danger signals:

          The family will initially notice the changes in speech, which becomes softer. There may be difficulty in using hands or a change in gait. Typically, it starts from one side of the body and with time, it spreads to the opposite side of the body. Dr Jimmy Lalkaka, senior consultant neurophysician at Saifee and Bombay Hospital cautions, “All that shakes is not Parkinsonian.” There are other conditions that might show similar symptoms. There are certain non-motor symptoms that are an integral part of Parkinson’s disease, which can impact quality of life more than the motor symptoms. These include

·        Depression, which may in fact predate the motor symptoms

·        Anxiety

·        Fainting attacks or orthostatic hypotension

·        Bowel and bladder symptoms

Diagnosis

          The diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease is based on medical history and a neurological examination. Brain scans or laboratory tests may be ordered to help rule out other diseases.

Treatment

          Parkinson’s disease has no cure yet. Research is being conducted on the condition; newer molecules and current treatment modifications are being done. Treatment aims to replenish the dopamine neurotransmitter either by supplying dopamine or stimulating the dopamine receptor. Recognizing the non-motor symptoms and treating them can help improve the quality of life further. Dr Lalkaka says, “Over a period of 10-15 years, the efficacy of drugs may wane, in which case, deep brain surgery may be an option. Stereotactic surgery done through a burr hole has good results.” Research using stem cells and growth factors are still in the realms of experimental research and will take time. Patches allows the drug to be absorbed slowly throughout the day avoiding the ups and downs of absorption from the stomach and intestines.

Care

          It is important to instill hope in both the patient and the caregiver in the very first meeting. They must understand that has to be lived with, life can be lived well. Support groups provide and opportunity to share feelings and listen to the experience of others and help renew the sense of hope in dealing with changes in lifestyle.

Life can throw some knock-out punches stress, failure, and rejection, the death of a loved one or a hateful crime. In the balance, there is success, love, compassion and joy. How does one stay positive in the face of suffering and difficulty? Easier said than done, but a few tips could help you along.

Pay attention to emotions

          How you feel plays out in your body. Knotted muscles, palpitations and headaches are all signs of stress. Use relaxation and meditative techniques to clam and rejuvenate yourself. Deep breathing is effective and pranayama rids the body of toxins.

Exercise

          Any form of physical activity releases ‘endorphins’ in the brain to make you happy. Choose something you enjoy whether it is walking, dancing or a game of tennis. Doing something fun is never a chore.

Laugh

          Pander to your playful side and have a hearty laugh – a joke book, a comedy show, a funny movie or a laughter club. Laughing keeps you happy and fit.

Attitude

          Try to look at the big picture and ‘don’t sweat the small stuff.’ We often get bogged down in petty details and imagine slights where none were intended and make mountains out of molehills. Life’s too short, move on.

Focus on the present

          Learn from yesterday’s failure, and then put it aside. Live in the present and savour each moment whether it is a beautiful sunset, a soul stirring performance, an act of kindness, a job well done or simply being appreciated.

Do the things you love

          Search your soul and decide whether you really need to take on things that stress you. Each one of us has certain duties but we also need to take care of ourselves. Call a friend, curl up with your favourite book take a trip or splurge on that expensive trinket.

Stay connected

          Friends, family, co-workers and other like-minded people, are great support systems so stay in touch. Well meaning help and advice keep you in a positive frame of mind. Do the same for others and feel uplifted yourself.

Start a new project

          Learning a new skill, getting fit or pursuing a long-cherished goal gives immense satisfaction and is incredibly fulfilling.

Embrace spirituality

          Inspirational and motivational reading or discourses is one way to go. Yoga, reiki, communing with nature or trekking are as spiritually uplifting.

Learn to let go

          Holding on to pain and anger hurts you more than anyone else. It saps the spirit and robs you of energy, which could be used in a more effective way. Don’t beat yourself up over failure. No one is perfect.

Speak to a counselor

          It is absolutely okay to seek professional help. A counselor is an objective listener who ca offer empathy and support without being judgmental. It is a liberating experience to speak your mind. Free yourself. You deserve it.

Ever wondered why a product becomes more desirable if an attractive member of the opposite sex is selling it? Well, now researchers at University of Alberta have proved that there’s science to back up that perception.

          In the study, researchers found that clothing was rated more by an attractive member of the opposite sex. And some people said they would pay more for the item, even if it hadn’t been washed.

          “We found that if a shirt had been touched by someone who is highly attractive and of the opposite gender, the shoppers evaluated the products higher and they’re willing to drop more money on it,” said University of Alberta business professor Jennifer Argo.

          Researchers wanted to find out if there were ever instances where contact, also called contagion, could have a positive effect on the goods for sale.

          The first part of the study involved sending men and women to a store to try on a specific unisex shirt. The experimenter called a colleague acting as a sales-person at the store ahead of time to notify them when a participant was to arrive.

          When the participant showed a picture of the shirt to the salesperson, they were told the last one was being tried on by another shopper currently in the change room – half the time someone with average looks and half the time a hired model. When the change room was vacated, the participant – who had seen the person exit the change room – could then try on the shirt and return to the study base to complete an evaluation.

          “If the shopper was of average attractiveness, the participant evaluated the shirt negatively. But if it was the opposite gender and they were highly attractive, the participants were willing to pay more. The results show that it’s worth having highly attractive people work there. Or if you can’t, at least have the staff dress well and be well-groomed and maximize their potential,” Jennifer said.

          In the second part of the study, the researchers examined why the evaluations were different but used only male participants and female salespeople, again half of average attractiveness and half models. The men were sent to try on a shirt, but this time the salesperson told them that she had worn it on her prior shift.

          Sometimes, the salesperson showed the item in a dry-cleaning bag, but the other half of the time it was on a hanger, implying it hadn’t been cleaned.

          They were later asked to evaluate how much they would pay for the shirt, how much they liked it, the likelihood of purchasing the product and how desirable it was to them. “The dirty shirt won for the men when the salesperson was highly attractive. It’s like they were trying to get her essence,” Jennifer said.

          She said that the findings were only slightly surprising even though this is the first research to identify and document positive contagion.

A few generations ago, there was no reason for women to seek a career – they were expected to find satisfaction staying at home and looking after their kids and other family members only. But in today’s world, women go to work and come back home only to do the bulk of household chores. And, if British researchers are to be believed, career women actually end up working longer hours than men.      

          According to the researchers at Cambridge University, while men may spend longer at the office, it is the women who work more each week if domestic and paid employment is added together, the Daily Telegraph reported here today.

          “The average man in full-time employment works about 55 hours a week. In the United Kingdom, that figure includes about 3.6 hours commuting, and eight hours of domestic work such as cleaning, cooking and child care. By contrast, the average working week for a woman in full-time employment in the European Union is 68 hours. For British women, that comprise 40 hours in the office, 3.3 hours commuting and 23 hours a week spent doing domestic work. But even women who work part time put in longer hours overall than men in full-time work, because they do so many household chores. Women with part-time jobs work on average 57 hours a week. That is made up of 21.3 hours in paid work, 2.4 hours commuting and 32.7 hours of domestic work,” according to the British researchers.

Those living on the highest levels of life have learned to accept life on its own terms. There are some realities about life that we must accept. This is the key to living joyfully in communion with the heavenly while abiding here on earth. Life, no matter how we choose to look at it, is a challenge. It is the beginning of a struggle that continues until we breathe our last breath. Life is something that we did not request.

          None of us asked to be born. Neither did we ask to be poor, or black, tall or short. We did not ask to be a part of one family as opposed to another.

          Life is full of risks. There is a certain element of risk taking that is inherent in every venture we undertake; whether it is in business, or in marriage, in a profession or in athletics. We never have complete security within ourselves. For we know that every moment we live, our lives are in constant danger.

          A stray bullet may hit us, a car emerging out of nowhere may crush us, and a slip of the foot may result in our death. So life is unpredictable. We get no warning, we are afforded no red alert, and we get no second chance at life.

          And we might as well face the fact that our life is a dying life. As soon as we are born, we begin to die and every day we manage to somehow survive, we have only gained another step towards our grave. Each morning when we wake up from a refreshing sleep, we have died a little during the night.

          As we go through the streets of the city, we are dying a little. As we go about our business on the job, we are dying a little. In essence, we are living in the land of the dying.

          It will help you to accept life on its own terms rather than struggle against it. Identify and move from the limiting and conflicting, “either/or.” “Black or white,” “all or nothing”, illusory perception of life to an attitude that is open to all aspects of reality. We do this by accepting life on its own terms – accepting that pleasure and pain, happiness and unhappiness are all a natural part of the human experience.

          Fighting against life’s realities and adopting a stance of negativism only creates unnecessary pain and difficulty in your life. Accepting life allows you to understand your frustrations, grow from them and experience life’s abundance.

          You have heard people who make comments such as “I go with the flow.” What they are saying is this: I accept in life what I cannot change. I deal with it as it comes within the framework of my own knowledge and capabilities and spirit.

          When inner negatives are dissolved, our outer life will be more harmonious and fulfilled. Understanding life helps you make the unconscious conscious; to see your misguided beliefs and negativity clearly, to understand their roots and causes, and most importantly – to transform them.

          A complete path, it offers a practical, rational, honest, & above all, gentle and  self-accepting way to move form an attitude of you versus the world to one of you and the world; from you versus life to you and life. Fundamental to accepting life is to give recognition to the supreme life-giver. Whenever we praise God or give God recognition and acknowledgement, it is for life.

From a distance, nine-year-old Aryan (name changed) looks like any other school child, dressed neatly in his grey uniform, a large star penned on his skin revealing that he got extra commendation from a teacher. It’s only when he stops to say “good morning” that you notice his constantly moving eyes. His teachers disclose that it has taken them almost two years to get him to even look at them directly for a moment. It’s certainly not easy to educate a child with a learning or behavioral difficulty.

          And though May schools in Indian metros are now working at educational intervention for development disorders like Attention-Deficit Hyper activity Disorder (ADHD) and dyslexia, the situation is far from being anything to be proud of. In fact, the term ‘dyslexia’ is said to have been coined in 1888. But the problem, in which the affected kids have difficulty reading, writing, reasoning, recalling and /or organizing information if they have to do it by themselves or when they are taught in conventional ways, has gained some recognition here in only the last few years. And ADHD (mainly characterized by inappropriate levels of inattentiveness, motor over-activity and impulsiveness) is some thing most parents still don’t know the full form of.

          “Though we don’t have exact figures in India, it is believed that 10% of school children have some form of learning disability,” says Parvathy Viswanath, founder-chairperson of Aikya, a Chennai-based centre that integrates special kids with normal children. Viswanath, who has written many books on the subject, points out that because certain disabilities are not visible, it’s difficult for the parents and teachers to identify and under stand the symptoms and intervene early enough.

          “There is an acute lack of awareness among people,” says Dr Bina Nangia, a consultant on special education with many schools in Delhi. “Parents tend to wait and watch, and rely on teachers to in form them.” Also, since development disorders like autism, dyslexia and ADHD unfold as the child grows; it becomes even more important that each development stage is observed accurately. Though some kids start showing stark symptoms at even the pre-school stage, usually the identification happens at around 5 years. And even after a diagnosis has been made, the stigma attached makes parents underplay it rather than seek adequate help. Many, after all, still club development disorders with mental retardation. “Some parents and grandparents tend to dismiss ADHD as naughtiness, but there is quite a thick line between the two,” says Nangia.

          There are no known permanent cures for these problems, but these kids show remarkable skills if they are coached with the right strategies. Though some elite Indian schools now employ special educators, more efforts are needed at different levels to enhance their life skills. In fact, it was as recently as 2002 that CBSE released a handbook on ‘Poor School Performance’ to sensitize teachers to learning difficulties. Many still don’t know that students with dyslexia are exempted from the third language, given extra time during an exam or even a scribe.

          Teachers, who are usually left to deal with the problems all by themselves, say more synergy is needed between them and clinical psychologists, child psychiatrists and parents to work out the most effective measures to manage each child’s condition. “Teachers’ training must include early identification of development disorders.” Says Dr Shoba Srinath, professor, department of psychiatry at NIMHANS, Bangalore. Even crèche workers should be trained in the area, she says, adding that usually pediatricians themselves don’t have enough time and patience to listen to a parent describes the early symptoms. “Society must make place for their abilities. It’s their right,” she emphasizes.

          While all these measures surely need to be implemented without delay, what’s really needed is the right amount of support for these children. “No two kids are the same in terms of educational or emotional involvement,” says a special education coordinator with a prominent Delhi school. “Some of them get the most palpable boost when we tell them that people like Albert Einstein and Leonardo da Vinci also showed symptoms of dyslexia.”

The experience of guilt is an enormous burden. People actually feel guilty for feeling guilty. Often, those in the religious community are prone to complain about guilt. They perceive God as the ‘cop in the sky’ who is looking to apply retribution. Adults who were the products of poor parenting are more susceptible to real guilt and viewing God is a tyrannical figure. Unfortunately, people may doubt their salvation, feel like God has abandoned them and immerse themselves in obsessing over minor infractions.

          It is my opinion that we need to kick out any God that would make us feel small. A loving God cherishes His children, forgives them and elevates them in His eyes. We are His kings and queens, and we need to stand tall in His presence.

          Real guilt can be defined as missing the mark. We fall short of our convictions and need to make amends. We do this by accepting the forgiveness that is already our inheritance, forgiving ourselves for being less than perfect and reconciling with those we have hurt and disappointed. An interesting example of real guilt is when we fail to live up to our capacity. We may have been sitting on a goal or dream and put it off because we are too lazy or afraid to act on it. Addressing our true guilt makes us feel complete. We restore our integrity and bring healing to our significant relationships.

          Those who have experienced negative parenting may find the concept of forgiveness perplexing. If one’s parents were punitive, critical and unloving, it makes it more difficult for people to grasp the concept of a loving, forgiving God. Intellectually, they may understand forgiveness, but emotionally they may remain immobilized with self-blame. God does not want His children to victim-posture. We can’t be ambassadors of the good news if we are stuck in a sinkhole. Accepting forgiveness is our right and responsibility. Some may need help in processing this truth – God is patient.

          It is important to differentiate real guilt from false guilt. Much of the guilt we experience is false. It has nothing to do with falling short of our convictions. I define false guilt as allowing other people to have power over us. Due to inadequate parenting many of us learn to give our power away. As children, we become overly-compliant, passive-aggressive and we learn that it is in our best interest to thwart our anger. If we were raised in dysfunctional families, there was generally no dialogue or exploration of feelings at home. It is important to understand that what happened was never our fault.

          When people tell me that they feel guilty, the problem usually involves false guilt over core childhood issues such as feelings of abandonment, acting overly-responsible, childhood abuse, and lack of confidence. False guilt is actually a form of disguised resentment. If others over-control our lives, we resent the intrusion, but find false guilt easier to accept than anger.

          Roberta came to me and complained about her daughter. Whenever she would visit her, she would feel demeaned and manipulated. I suggested that Roberta set limits and cut back on her lengthy out of town visitations with her daughter. However, her daughter pleaded with Roberta to stat longer, and the false guilt emerged. Roberta decided to stay for the typical two week visit and she felt miserable. In typical fashion, her daughter merely uses her as a babysitter for her kids. Roberta was really angry, but it was masked as gales guilt. As a child, she was never allowed to express her anger appropriately. Roberta had no foundation for setting boundaries and sticking up for herself. She acquiesced to the needs of others and felt small.

          Unresolved issues can affect our concept of God. If we fail to find balance in our life by resolving core childhood issues, they may rear their ugly head and affect our spiritual well-being. I believe that God wants us to be integrated. That means we don’t pretend by ignoring the dusty corners of our inner life. As author M Scott Peck once said, “I’m not okay; you’re not okay, but its okay!” We must learn to live authentically as imperfect human beings.

          Real or false guilt can immobilize us. As a child of God, there is no need to be saddled with guilt. Guilt keeps us mired in a cycle of self-defeating thinking and behavior. To my knowledge, no one has ever changed by motivating themselves through guilt. With true guilt, learning to forgive ourselves, making amends and accepting God’s grace brings healing that helps us move forward. False guilt, which comprises the majority of guilt, must prompt us to learn to become assertive, set appropriate boundaries, and find empowerment through the kind of righteous anger that is self-supportive.

          Do you feel guilty about feeling guilty? The good news is that God wants to elevate you out of your guilt-induced self-defeating cycle of self-blame and help you to become whole.